


sea of love

by leonorawrites



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Established Relationship, Family Drama, Grief/Mourning, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-09-30 03:04:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10151978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonorawrites/pseuds/leonorawrites
Summary: Helen and Gabe wants to adopt Philip who misses his mom and it makes him push away the people that care about him.





	1. 1.1 Sunday Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Titled after song by The National. Come talk to me on [tumblr](https://wild-lavenders.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> I made a playlist for this fic and you can find it with links [here](https://wild-lavenders.tumblr.com/post/159937808426/sea-of-love-into-the-wild-not-today-youth)
> 
>  
> 
> **Sea of Love / Into The Wild / Not Today / Youth / Six Feet Under / Us / Unsteady / We Are Broken / Silhouette / Swim / Young Hearts / Waves**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe and Helen asks Philip if he would be okay with them adopting him

**Sunday morning**

Philip woke up feeling as if the weight of a boulder was resting on his chest. He inhaled deeply and turned over on his side pulling the duvet over his ears as he exhaled. He tried and failed at keeping his breathing steady and keeping the tears at bay. It used to be a constant feeling but as time passed there were days where he would wake up without feeling like his chest was caving in. There were days where breathing was easier. There were days where Lukas could get him laughing just by nuzzling in to his neck and whisper ridiculous stories.

Today was not one of those days.

He constantly missed her. It was always there just like a quiet ocean rippling through his body and without warning the ocean would stir and a large wave would hit him and pull him under. They would hit hard and suddenly, sometimes in the middle of class or mid-conversation other times like today it would wake him up. Missing her came in waves and today he was drowning.

He tried hard to remember her face but he barely could anymore. He felt as if the memories of her were fading away along with the memory of what she looked like. It used to be all he saw when he closed his eyes but now the memories of her were getting replaced with Gabe and Helen proudly showing him the dark room they’d set up for him, Helen taking him to the speciality photo shop in the city, Lukas riding his bike with Philip holding on to him tightly watching the trees and the small town fly past Lukas grinning as he pulls of his helmets and shakes his head, letting his blond hair fall messily, Lukas and him having sex, their heated bodies perfectly colliding and his lips needing to touch everywhere. Lukas. Lukas. Lukas.

His blond and always messy hair, his wide grin, soft lips and his ocean blue eyes were all Philip saw when he closed his eyes now and it was what he saw flashing on his phone as he picked it up from the bedside table. He cleared his throat, hoping his voice wouldn’t give him away. The last thing he wanted was for Lukas to know that he wasn’t coping as well as he had convinced him, to know that some days – like today – he wasn’t coping at all.

“Hey, I’m coming over-” Lukas’ voice announced through the phone, rather than asking permission. He was probably already heading for his bike with a grin plastered on his face, Philip thought. Lukas had always assumed that it was acceptable to drop in anytime and so he would. It wasn’t like Philip had ever given him reason to think otherwise – until now.

“No, don’t,” Philip cut him off. The words came out harder than intended.

“Oh-,” The reply came back muttered and disappointed.

“I’m sick,” He tried to explain, the lie falling from his lips without hesitation. “It’s probably contagious, so you should stay home,” he continued. Lying had always come easy to him but he felt kind of bad for doing it to Lukas, who had looked in him in the eyes and promised that he’d never lie to Philip. It had become an unspoken rule between them there and then, that no matter what else was going on they would always be honest with each other. He felt the guilt starting to rise. The truth was that no matter what Lukas was up to, Philip couldn’t handle it. Not today. He couldn’t handle making more memories that didn’t include his mother.

He could feel his throat closing up again and he hung up before Lukas could get a word in. He turned off his phone knowing that Lukas would call back and threw it to the other side of the bed before sinking deeper into the bed and once again pulling the duvet up to his ears. He really was content with spending the entire day in bed but concluded that wasn’t going to happen when he heard knocking on his door. He turned his face down in to the sheets and let out a frustrated grunt.

“Come on, kiddo! Get up,” Gabe laughed at Philip’s grunt, “Breakfast’s almost ready.”

He pulled the duvet of and slowly got out of bed, his body felt heavy as he got up. He put on the same jeans he had worn yesterday which had been tossed on the floor and went to the bathroom. He turned the faucet on and splashed water in his face. His eyes locked on the water still running into the sink and he felt himself focusing on the sound of the water, forgetting everything else. For just a minute he forgot the pain in his chest he felt missing his mother, the guilt of lying to Lukas, everything went blank and for the first time that day he felt he could breathe a little easier.

He was quickly pulled back to reality by the sound of Helen’s voicing calling for him up the stairs. He turned off the water and went back in to his room where he grabbed the first shirt his hands touched out of the drawer and pulled it over his head. He considered it for a second and then regretted the choice and went for a grey one that belonged to Lukas instead and pulled a hoodie over. He put on his worn out Converse before trudging down the stairs.

He was sure he looked as much a mess as he felt and he knew he would have to avoid Helen’s interrogative eyes that would see right trough him. He knew that he would have to fake a smile and force down at least a couple pancakes to keep Gabe from worrying.

Philip took a deep breath and walked in to the kitchen, stopping in his steps. He frowned, surprised to see his boyfriend sitting at the dinner table, laughing at Gabe’s joke and munching on his pancakes. Gabe was sitting across from him and Helen was leaning against the kitchen counter with a coffee cup in her hand. They all turned towards him as he walked in. Lukas’ raised an eyebrow at him and smirked as Philip went to sit down next to him without a word. Helen handed him a plate of pancakes, “Good morning,” she said, mussing his hair and sat down next to Gabe.

Lukas leaned towards him with the all to familiar grin, “You don’t look like someone who practically dying and is definitely too sick to see their boyfriend,” he mocked just quiet enough for Gabe and Helen not to hear and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. Philip leaned his cheek in to the kiss as he rolled his eyes and stabbed at his pancakes.

“What are you even doing here?” he mumbled, looking up from his pancakes.

Lukas didn’t have to time to answer. Across the table from them Gabe took Helen’s hand resting on the table, “We wanted to ask you something important and we though Lukas should be here for it,” Gabe explained and looked expectantly at Helen.

Helen smiled at Gabe before facing Philip. “If you want we would like to adopt you,” she spoke, “have you officially be a part of the family.”

Philip looked at the three of them all starring expectantly at him, waiting for some sort of reaction. He wasn’t really sure what emotion his face showed; he felt like thousand different ones had hit him at once. He was almost certain time had stopped as his thoughts ran a million miles/hour. A small voice at the back of his head told him that he was being irrational but the thoughts of Gabe and Helen replacing his mom rang louder. All he could think of was the things he was supposed to do with his mom that he now wouldn’t get to do. Now it was going to be Helen and Gabe smiling proudly at his graduation, them helping him move out one day. Every milestone in his life they were going to be there and not his mom. Hell did this mean he had to take their last name, he thought.

He shook his head. “I’m almost 18, I don’t need to be adopted,” he finally said.

“Philip,” Lukas said as his brows furrowed. Philip didn’t know how Lukas who self-proclaimed never had anything to say, managed to express so much just by saying his name. His voice was loaded with disappointment as well as surprise and it made the guilt boil in Philip. He turned towards Lukas.

“You shouldn’t have come. I told you not to come,” he spat the words out. Lukas pressed his lips tightly together, not saying anything. A part of Philip wanted him to get angry with him. Wanted Lukas to push him away and storm out but he just sat there and stared at him and the silence felt heavy between them.

Philip finally broke the silence as he pushed his chair back across the floor and got up. He stormed out, the door slamming behind him as he got to his bike. The rusty black bike was leaned up against the house. He pulled it away, swung his leg over the saddle and pedalled across the front lawn. He desperately needed to get away. He felt his heart beating loudly in his chest. He pedalled even faster, unsure as to where he was going.

He suddenly stopped, finding himself in a familiar place. He stumbled off the bike and it fell to the ground. His knees felt weak and his legs like they were threatening to cave out under him. He felt his vision was getting blurry, as his clammy hands reached out and found the hard and cold wall of the tunnel. He leaned against it as he tried to catch his breath but instead of slowing down it did the opposite, becoming rapid. He slid down until he was sitting on the damp ground, pulling his knees to his chest. His breathing wasn’t shaky like it had been in the morning, it was heavy breaths struggling to come up and gasping for air until his lungs hurt.

Everything felt like a blur and he wasn’t sure how long he had sat there, with his arms around his knees. He had been starring at the ground, but somehow managed to look up when he heard footsteps approaching. He wasn’t surprised that Helen had known where to find him.

Her and Gabe sat down on either side of him without a word. Helen took his hand and stroked the back of it with her thumb, whispering words of comfort. Philip had no idea how long they had been sitting there when his breathing finally stabilised but Helen’s head was on his shoulder and Gabe had a hand on his knee.

“You didn’t have to come for me,” he stammered, voice still rough as he looked at them both.

“Sure we did. That’s what family does, Philip,” Gabe said. His voice was calm and Philip tried to focus on this as he sat quietly and let the words sink in. His definition of family had always been very different from Gabe’s. Family to him, meant looking out for each other, and sure that was a similarity but Philip was so used to be the one to be there for his mother, never the other way around. Having someone looking out for him was so different from what he grew up with.

“This is completely your choice, son. You can say no.”

“I want you to adopt me, I think,” he said, dragging out the words, “it’s just that I …” he hesitated as he could feel the tears pressing. “I really miss her,” it came out sobbing.

Helen kept her thumb going in circles on the back of his hands, “She’s always going to be you mom. We’re not going to replace her,” she soothed.

“Can I keep my last name?” The words came out almost pleading. Helen and Gabe seemed to be just as surprised by the question as he was by the words coming out of his mouth. It truly felt like loosing his last name would mean loosing his last connection to his mother, even though he knew it was irrational and probably stupid.

“Of course,” Gabe’s voice stayed calm, “We wouldn’t expect anything else.”

They all sat in silence until the coldness of the damp ground hit them. Philip hadn’t even noticed that he was shivering until Gabe put his jacket around him and stood up, brushing his hands on his jeans.

“Let’s get you home,” he said and held out his hand.


	2. 1.2 Monday Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lukas doesn’t pick up Philip like he usually does

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this time - hoping the next one will be longer. Thank you for you nice comments and kudos.

**Monday morning**

  
Lukas would always pick him up in the morning. Without fail he would drive up, just as Philip stepped out onto the porch. He would take of his helmet, shake that ridiculously long hair of his and grin at Philip as he handed him the extra helmet. Philip would get on the back of the dirt bike and hold on to Lukas just a little tighter than necessary. This had become their daily routine, a constant no matter what was going on in their life. Today was different though. Philip had been sitting on the steps of the porch for 15 minutes now, no sign of Lukas showing up. He had had a feeling that he wouldn’t considering he hadn’t heard from him at all since yesterday morning when he had snapped at him. Yet Philip was still waiting for him just in case he did show up.

He unlocked his phone, checking the time for the seventh time that morning. He was going to be late but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He held onto the last string of hope that Lukas was coming, that any minute he would hear the sound of the dirt bike pull up on the lawn. Maybe he had just overslept and was running late, Philip told himself already knowing that wasn’t true.

He scrolled through his phone and the thirteen unanswered text message to Lukas. Most of them were half-assed attempts at apologies, some were failed attempts at starting conversation about anything and the last three were asking if he was going to pick him up. The silence should have been answer enough. Lukas was ignoring him, which meant that he was pissed. He had a good enough reason to be too. Philip had acted like an asshole and his excuses for it only made him an even worse boyfriend. What exactly was he supposed to say; I’d rather keep the memories of my dead mother than make new memories with you. Yeah, no chance! That sounded wrong even in his head and it wasn’t like he didn’t want to be with Lukas, he just hated that he was forgetting about his mom.

He looked behind him as Helen stepped out onto the porch wearing her sheriff’s uniform and her hair pulled in to a messy ponytail. “Aren’t you going to be late for school?” she asked, looking down at him. He shrugged, turning his head back to look straight ahead.

“Is Lukas not picking you up today?” she asked, sounding concerned but not too surprised. She stepped down to stand next to where he was sitting.

“I guess not,” he said and pocketed his phone. He was going for indifferent but his tone of voice came out bitter.

“Come on, I’ll drive you,” Helen offered, holding out a hand and helping him out. He rolled her eyes at her and let her pull him into her side with an arm over his shoulder.

He got into Helen’s jeep, slamming the door behind him a little too loudly. Helen ignored this, started the engine and drove down the dirt road leading to the farm. They drove in comfortable silence; Philip starring out the window, as they drove past scattered houses, fields and pine trees. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to going school today, considering Lukas was undoubtedly mad at him. Save for him and Rose Philip didn’t really talk to anyone at school.

He looked over at Helen when she lightly squeezed his arm sensing something was wrong. He gave her an appreciative smile when she didn’t ask about it and looked back out the car window.

They had almost reached Red Hook when Helen broke the silence. “I actually wanted to talk to you about what we talked about yesterday,” she said, turning the car around the corner. “If you’re sure you want us to adopt you, then we’ll follow through and get started on the paperwork today.” Her eyes left the road ahead and went to Philip looking for some sort of confirmation.

He sucked in his bottom lip, biting down on it. “Yeah,” he nodded. He really didn’t want to get his hopes up – things didn’t usually go he wanted – but after thinking about it all night it had become clear that this was what he really wanted; a family, a home.

Helen pulled in to the school parking lot and he got out of the car. She handed him a sweatshirt and wished him a good day before driving off.

The school hallway was crowded with students rushing to class last minute. He spotted Lukas by his locker looking damn good in his signature black jeans and red plaid shirt. Lukas put a couple books in his backpack, swung it over his shoulder, closed the locker and turned around to leave in the opposite direction than Philip. “Hey Lukas, wait up,” he called jogging up to him, narrowly avoiding crashing in to two students.

“What do you want, Shea?” Lukas turned to face him. His voice was soft, a bit annoyed at most. He put his hands in his front pocket and rolled back on his feet, managing to look somewhere between arrogant and nervous.

“Why are you so pissed at me?”

Lukas’ jaw clenched. “Really dude?”

“What? I was sick.” He lied to Lukas for the second day in a row.

“Yeah, right!” Lukas laughed humourlessly. He took a breath, looking back at Philip, “Look, I got to get to class. I’ll see you later.” He placed a chaste kiss on Philip’s lips and turned to leave. Philip stood frozen in the hallway a couple seconds too long, before he sighed and headed to class himself. He arrived 5 minutes late, threw the teacher an apologetic look and sat down in his seat.


	3. 1.3 Wednesday Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose, Lukas and Philip hang out. Rose asks them to come to her party.

There were three isles crammed into the tiny convenience store in Tivoli. Philip trailed behind Lukas and Rose down the middle isle. Rose had her arm in Lukas’ and was going on and on about the party she was throwing on Friday, talking about which of their friends were invited. Philip tuned out their conversation; he really didn’t care much for parties or for Rose and Lukas’ friends for that matter. He liked Rose, he really did, she was nice and caring, and had turned out to be a really good friend, but her constant attempts at popularity could be a little much. Hell, she had even dated Lukas just to gain popularity even though she knew he was gay.

“How many bags of chips could you possibly need, Rose?” Her and Lukas had stopped by the chips and Rose had given Lukas’ at least five bags to hold and had taken three to hold herself. She grinned and him and turned around, heading for the other isle. 

Philip continued down the isle, his hand tracing over the boxes of cereal on the shelf. He went to the fridge at the end of the store and grabbed a lukewarm Coke. The fridge was supposed to keep all the drinks cold but had been broken as long as Philip had been coming here. He turned around to see that Rose and Lukas were already at the counter paying for their sodas, chips and other snacks for the party. 

They bagged their items and headed for the door. Rose turned around, smiling “We’ll wait for you outside.” She didn’t even have to raise her voice for him to hear across the small store. Philip nodded at her and watched them walk out the store, the bells above the door chiming as they did. 

He walked to the front of the store, placing his Coke and a chocolate bar on the counter. “Your fridge is broken,” he commented. The kid behind the counter, a senior at their school, just raised his eyebrows at him. Philip knew better than to think they’d care, so he didn’t say anymore.

“Anything else?” the store clerk asked in a monotonous voice. Philip was about to shake his head but stopped himself. The kid took his silence for a no and told him the price.

“Actually - ” He looked out the window making sure neither Lukas or Rose was looking. Thankfully they both had their backs to the store. “Could I get a pack of Marlboro’s?” 

The clerk shrugged indifferently and handed the pack over without asking for any ID. Philip had gotten away with buying cigarettes here before, but still had to hold back his breath of relief. He placed the cash on the counter and pocketed the cigarettes and chocolate bar, grabbed the bottle of Coke and went outside. 

Lukas and Rose were sitting on the pavement right outside the store, Rose sitting on Lukas’ sweatshirt leaving him in his T-shirt, his arms resting on his knees. Philip sat down next to Lukas, one knee to his chest the other stretched out. 

“You’re coming to my party right, Philip?” Rose asked

“You’re not?” Philip turned to Lukas, frowning.

“I have to practice.” Lukas explained to Philip, grabbing the Coke from his hand and taking a sip.

“Like you two would stand up a chance to make out at a party.” Philip snorted. Yeah, they might have taken the chance to do so at every party they’d been to ever since Lukas had dragged him to Red Hook and kissed him in front of everyone for the first time. He looked to Lukas who was grinning too, probably thinking the same thing. “Your best friend’s party at that,” Rose continued.

“We’ll come Rose. I might be a little late but we’ll be there.” Lukas laughed and leaned back on his hands behind him. 

“You better.” Lukas raised his eyebrows at her. She stood up and brushed gravel of her hands before reaching down to grab the grey sweatshirt she’d been sitting on, handing it back to Lukas who took it and placed it in his lap. “Well I gotta go. See you tomorrow.” She leaned down to hug them both, grabbed her bags and walked back towards her car. They sat in silence for a bit, watching her drive away.

“So I talked to Helen,” Lukas hummed his acknowledgement, taking another sip of Philip’s Coke. Philip took the bottle from Lukas and fumbled with the label as he continued. “She said she’d help me get my driver’s license.” 

“You tired of having your boyfriend drive you around?” Lukas smirked. 

Philip snorted. “No. That part I actually like. No, I just figured it be practical out here.” Lukas grinned at the confession and leaned in to him. Philip furrowed his brows, looking down at his hands. “It’s just – I never really considered getting one when I lived in the city,” he mumbled.

Lukas’ grin had disappeared and he had grabbed Philip’s hand, stopping it from fidgeting with the torn label. He starred down at their hands where his thumb ran over Philip’s knuckles. Philip took a big breath, the breath he released slightly shaky. “Just thought it be practical since they’re adopting me now and it looks like I’m staying for good,” he mumbled and added “at least until college.”

“Well I’m glad you’re staying.” Philip scrunched his nose, mocking his boyfriend’s sappiness. They both grinned into the kiss when Lukas leaned in to the kiss the mocking expression off Philip’s face. Philip opened his mouth and fisted Lukas’ t-shirt pulling him closer. Lukas’ hand went from the back of his neck to grab at his hair. Philip was smiling when they pulled apart, still not over the fact that he now got to kiss his boyfriend out in the open.


	4. Chapter 4

The party was loud, the music throbbing in his ears and the room was full of people he didn’t talk to. Philip made his way through the crowd, accidently bumping in to shoulders and trying not to spill any drinks. Most of the people there went to their school but there were also a lot of people that he didn’t recognize. He wasn’t sure if Rose had personally invited all those people – hell, if she even knew them - but if she had she’d certainly outdone herself. 

He took a sip of his beer and looked at his phone, checking if Lukas had texted. He had promised he would be there as quickly as possible, only needing to go home and shower after practice and that he would text when he left home. But Lukas hadn’t texted and he wasn’t at the party yet, though it was hard to tell with that many people in the house.

Helen’s number flashed on the screen just as he was about to lock it again. He had had a feeling that her and Gabe would be worried about him; it had been all over their faces when he’d left the house after dinner.

They had ordered Chinese take-out for dinner, as they always did when they tried to cheer him up or had to have a difficult conversation. Helen had spent the entire conversation trying to read Philip’s expression, and while the two of them had become more comfortable around each other she still tried a little too hard to make sure she did the right thing, hugged him at the right time, said the right words. He had tried his best to look indifferent, told them he was fine and had left for the party before they could ask any more questions, but they had both looked at him knowingly, their eyebrows raised and eyes full of pity.

 Maybe it had been a bad idea to come here, but he was already more than halfway drunk and there was no way he was facing Helen like this. Or Gabe. More so he needed to see Lukas.

Philip silenced the call. The music was too loud for him to hear anything if he called her back anyways, and he honestly didn’t have anything to say to her either. He emptied his beer and went to the kitchen in search of a new one.

The music felt a little less loud in the kitchen, at least loud enough so that you could hear each other talk. Rose was standing with a group of her friends, leaning against the kitchen counter. She was wearing a grey t-shirt and denim skirt that she’d bought the one time she’d dragged Lukas and Philip with in to the only second hand shop in Red Hook. It looked good on her, and Philip was surprised that she’d even managed to find anything in that store. He had then promised her he would take her to the city one day and show her the second hand stores there. Not that he knew much about fashion, but years of living on a low income had taught him a thing or two about finding cheap yet cool clothes. 

He sat the bottle down on the kitchen island next to a bunch of other empty or half-empty bottles and made his way to Rose and her friends. He knew Jacob, Daniel and Laura whom they usually ate lunch with but the other two boys in the group he didn’t. They looked older, too, like they might be in college or at least seniors.

“Hey, Rose. Have you seen Lukas?” he asked her, cutting one of the guys off mid-sentence. He glared at Philip. 

“No. I don’t think he’s here yet. Are you okay?”

“Hmm?” Philip checked his phone again. Lukas still hadn’t called or texted. The only notification was another missed call from Helen. He locked his phone and pocketed it. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

“He’ll be here.” Rose handed him her cup and grabbed him by the arm, leading him back into the crowded living room. “You should relax. Have fun.”

Philip emptied whatever was in the cup down his throat, the sweet taste followed by a much more bitter one burning as it went down. He danced with Rose and her friends, had some more to drink and danced again.

Suddenly Lukas was in front of him and they were kissing. Lukas had one hand on Philip’s jaw and the other on the small of his back, pulling him closer. Philip was grabbing at Lukas’ long blond hair, clinging on to him like he was the only thing worth being sober for. He was sure Lukas could taste the alcohol and the desperateness on his tongue but he didn’t care. Everything good in Philip’s life was always taken away from him and he would hold onto Lukas and the taste of him for as long as he could.

* * *

 

Lukas’ had one hand on the back of his neck, the other on his jaw and the noise around him muffled. Had he been sober he might have thought that Lukas’ grip was a little too strong. Philip barely registered the crowd starting to gather around them, all he saw was Lukas standing in front of him. His lips were tight as his eyes searched Philip’s face.

“I’m not,” Philip tried to talk but his voice came out slurred. He could barely hear himself, Lukas’ hands still covering his ears, and he wasn’t sure if he spoke loud enough over the music, “I’m not getting adopted.”

Lukas finally nodded as if making up his mind. He removed his hands and Philip instantly missed the grounding feeling of his touch.

“He’s a mess,” Lukas took his phone out of his back pocket and started scrolling through his contact list. Philip narrowed his eyes trying to focus on Lukas. He grabbed the front of Lukas’ shirt needing both something to hold on to but also needing Lukas’ closer. “I’m going to have to call Helen.”

“What? No, dude. You can’t do that! She’s a cop and everyone here is underage and drunk.” One of Lukas’ asshole friends said, taking Lukas’ phones from his hands. Lukas quickly grabbed his phone back, but put it in back his pocket. Philip could hear them talking but the words barely made sense. He gave up listening and leaned on Lukas’ shoulder, shutting his eyes to stop the room from spinning. He could feel Lukas’ hands running through his hair, the other arm holding on to Philip.

“He can sleep in my brother’s bed,” Rose offered. Philip hadn’t noticed her standing behind Lukas. Lukas nodded and wrapped an arm around Philip lifting him up on his feet with encouraging mumbles. They stumbled up the stairs, Lukas holding a tight grip on Philip.

Philip fell into the bed, closing his eyes. Lukas closed the door to the room behind them and the sound of music and loud voices from down stairs muffled. He opened his eyes again to see Lukas standing at the foot of the bed, untying Philip’s shoes and pulling them off. He wasn’t careful about it, if anything he seemed annoyed that he had to do it. He struggled with the knot on the laces before he roughly pulled the other shoe of, throwing it to the floor.

“You don’t have to take care of me.” Philip sat up on his knees, crawling to the edge of the bed. Lukas didn’t say anything, leaving the room quit save for the sound of the bass through the floor and the muffled voice from outside. “Just because – because I’m drunk or whatever,” he tried again.

“What, No. That’s not why I’m - ” Lukas cut himself off and finally looked up at Philip. “I don’t mind taking care of you.”

Philip didn’t know how to answer this and the silence between them felt louder than the muffled music still playing. Lukas was looking down at him, the same look from earlier on his face. He looked really good standing there in a tight grey t-shirt, jeans hanging low on his hips and hair still tussled from Philip carding his hands through it. Philip pulled Lukas closer by his belt loops so that he was standing between his legs swung over the side of the bed. He locked his legs around him, his heels digging in to Lukas’ calves and unwrapped his fingers from Lukas’ belt loops to unzip his jeans. He was about to tug them down when Lukas wrapped his hands around Philip’s wrist.

“You’re drunk,” He leaned down, grabbed Philips’ chin and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Just take of your pants and get under the covers.”

“Stay.” He mumbled into the pillow. Lukas hovered by the bed a couple seconds before taking of his shoes and getting into the bed. Philip rolled over, resting his head on Lukas’ shoulders. He felt Lukas’ hand running up and down his back as he let the alcohol induced drowsiness lull him to sleep.


End file.
